Thursday, April 27, 2006

Why Are There No Funny Woman Stand Up Comedians?

I'm a big fan of stand up comedy. Jim Gaffigan, Seinfeld, Cosby, George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Brian Regan, Chris Rock, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams, Frank Caliendo, Steve Martin, Jack Benny, Dave Chappelle, David Cross, Bob Newhart, and Rita Rudner are some of my favorite stand-ups. Wait a second. One of these names isn't fitting in with the others. Rita how'd you get in there? This isn't an exercise in trying to make woman feel less superior to men. Woman are far more superior to men in most areas. But let's not get into this debate.

Plain and simple, I've never heard a female stand up I like. I've never heard a funny one, and I've never enjoyed their jokes. Stand ups, that's it too. There's been ton of successful female comic actors. I loved that show, and soon to be a movie 'Strangers with Candy.' The TV show Seinfeld had some female writers too. Even SNL has had it's fair share of hilarious female cast members. But when you look at just stand up comedy the list is sort and disappointing.

I rattled off 12 comics or so. And I can say with confidence that there isn't a single female comic who comes close to being as funny as any of these guys. You'd think just by the randomness of the world there'd be one female comic you could lump into this group. There isn't. Whoopi Goldberg may be the closest. But I mean she's so irrelevant now it doesn't matter.

Why are there no good female stand-ups? It boggles my mind. Hopefully there's some aspiring female comic out there right now working her act and soon she'll be the king. But I doubt it. If there's one place where a man is better then a woman it's in stand-up.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Thanks Mr. Stotts. Thanks a lot.

Man, I was looking forward to the Bucks season this year. Look back in my previous posts. Expectations were high. Well those are gone, in fact they vanished about three months ago. Now on the eve of the NBA playoffs the Milwaukee Bucks are facing the foaming at the mouth Detroit Pistons. The pride of the Motor City is about devour the boys from the big sausage.

Where did we go wrong? We had the first pick, we signed a big name free agent, we even pulled a late pre season move that got us depth at the center position. Not to mention the already young nucleus that was in place. Somewhere something went horribly wrong. We should've seen it coming. How man last second shots can a team make? How poor of defense can you play before it starts catching up on you? In the NBA what goes around comes around. It's such a bad cliche but it's so true. The Bucks played by the skin of their teeth early on, and they lost the same way down the stretch. I think the Bucks problems started before any of the aforementioned deals were made. Before the number one pick. It all went bad last June.

We fired Terry Porter, a good coach, and an even better guy. Talk about a screw job. Now I'm not saying the Bucks would be any better this year with Porter, but it set percedant. Porter did a good job. Two years ago he took a Bucks team with much less talent to the same place Stotts took this team. And I'd argue, along with most of Milwaukee that this 2006 team has WAY more talent. Stotts lost the team. The never played defense, they never played disciplined, and they never looked well coached. For those who think an NBA coach doesn't make a difference look at the Lakers. Enough said.

This season falls squarely on the shoulders of Stotts. He didn't get it done. A coaches job is to get the most out of their players. That was not achieved. The Bucks have Bogut, and Magloire. Do they run any offense through them, no. They jump shoot. Was defense emphasized? No. The Bucks had a chance to get the five seed all they had to do was beat the Raptors, and the Hawks. Oh yeah, at home. They didn't. Both games, blow outs. I guess when it's all said and done I'm disappointed. Did I think the Bucks would win it all? No. But I thought they'd be better than Cleveland, and the Nets. Clearly they weren't. Was it personal? Sure a little. But I think poor coaching sunk this ship. Hopefully Terry Porter is still available.

Monday, April 17, 2006

The Airline Industry Can Go F*ck Itself

Greetings. Just returned from Palm Springs. A lovely place. Unfortunately, like most people, I needed to fly a commercial airline out there. And like most people I flew coach. And like most people I absolutely detest, to the point of pure rage, air travel. It's the one thing that pretty much everyone does, and pretty much everyone that does it, hates it. We're at the point where the airlines have simply stopped trying. Sure they hide behind their smiles and 'have a good day', but you know deep down inside the airline business hates you. Your eyes are dollar signs and that's all they care about.

I'm tall (six feet five inches) so the airplane is probably the most uncomfortable position I put myself in voluntarily. When I was a teenager a family friend turned me onto the emergency row (also known as a blessing from god for tall people). Sure the seats still suck, but you get an extra 5 inches of leg room. A god send for those three plus hour jaunts. Well guess what Northwest Airlines decided to do. They decided to call the 'emergency row' premium seating. Now you get to sit there, but you have to pay an extra $15 for the right to sit there. This is so backwards. What this says to me is. If the plane goes down, it doesn't matter we're all dead, so we might as well get a couple extra hundred bucks out of these poor saps. How do we protest this? How do we say, FUCK YOU Northwest. You suck. You can't, it's impossible. The airlines have America by the balls. There's nothing you or I can do about it. Try protesting Northwest. You can't. You'll need to take it at some point. Oh and this emergency row $15 thing, it doesn't stop there. Want to sit more towards the front of the plane? Pay up.

I hate airplanes. Northwest Airlines may be my least favorite company in America.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Honey I'm Going to Blow Chunks

Dr. Hark will tell you what's beautiful

"In each family, the children’s eating habits have spiraled out of control into a diet of nonstop junk food – sugar, snacks, processed food– and huge, oversized portions. Coupled with a lack of exercise and sleep, this lifestyle means the kids are not only hyper and unruly, they are at serious risk of becoming overweight and developing high-blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease."

Herein lies the premise of the newest travesty brought upon the American public. Honey We're Killing the Kids is the newest cold blooded, guilt causing show that's polluting cable. Not only does this show teach bad things, it reinforces these bad things with the American perception of beauty.

The show finds kids with bad eating habits, and fat parents. Then using the wonders of fake technology shows these little kids what they'd look like if they continue down the poor eating habit road. BUT then with a little work, a little exercise, and if you stop eating twinkies you could look like this. A good looking, skinny person. Imagine as a little kid seeing this. It would just really effect you.

This show is garbage. It takes America's beauty complex and uses it to manipulate little kids. Maybe the over weight person is beautiful. I don't need you, TLC, to tell me what is beauty and what isn't. And to take little children down, that just makes me want to blow chunks.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


I'm so excited. Last night as I lay in bed I couldn't help but think how great it is that baseball is back. Opening day is such an important day in every baseball fans season. Yeah there's the cliche's. Every team has hope. We're all in first when the pitcher takes the ball. But I think there's more.

Of course my team, the Milwaukee Brewers, are more optimistic than anyone. With the emergence of young talent they're ready to contend this year. For what? Not quite sure yet. Could be a playoff spot, or the most disappointing team ever. Whatever it is, it's in the future. No one can see that far.

And my other team, my fantasy team. They're poised to do well this year too. At least I hope.