Jerome Bettis is From Detroit
Wasn't sure if you guys knew this. And just so we're clear, Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. His team happens to be in the Super Bowl, and the Super Bowl happens to be in Detroit. You know what this means? Nothing. People don't care. Honestly they don't, they'd rather get a free pizza delivered to them. They'd rather try to get a pencil stuck in the ceiling (you know what I'm talking about. In elementary, or middle school those weird asbestos ceiling tiles. You throw a nicely sharpened pencil into it and if you're luck it sticks.) Well people would rather do that then hear one more story about this mediocre running back returning home to win a Superbowl.
OK, Ok, so it does mean something. It means something to those retards*. The retards* think that Jerome Bettis going home for a Super Bowl is the biggest story in all of sports. At least over the last two weeks. What the retards* aren't mentioning is the fact that we have a great game on our hands. Who cares though? The game will get ruined. It'll get ruined by all the commercial capitalistic blah that will all of us will get bombarded with. And even if we manage not to get distracted by shiny Ipods, or Cadillac rocking out to another baby boomer song we'll miss something cause we're stuffing our face with Dominoes Pizza topped with Tositodos and Pepsi.
What I'm saying is the Super Bowl sucks. I mean it's in Detroit for crying out loud. Who was the genius who decided to put it there? Probably someone who has something to do with the retards*. Thanks to the retards* the games are always over hyped. Unless Matt Hasselback grows Fabio hair, throws the ball around the earth before completing the pass, and eats four bacon cheeseburgers on a bootleg pass then the game will be overrated. Once again thanks to the retards*.
I don't care about this Superbowl. I really don't. I will watch it. Hopefully I'll have a piece of pepperoni in my hands, but I'm not going to enjoy it. I promise. The retards* ruin the Super Bowl every year. You may say, "Jon why don't you ignore the retards?" I would say, "I can't they're everywhere. The retards* have infected my television. They're in my newspaper. My computer has a virus called retardiatia*. I don't know what to do."
With all that said here are some predictions for Super Bowl Sunday.
--I will eat an entire pizza.
--I will eat an entire bag of chips.
--I will drink 6 beers.
--The retards* will piss me off.
--6 hours of pregame will turn into infinity of pregame. Hell is officially on earth.
--6 hours of pregame will turn into six hours of Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. His house got boarded up. He weighs more than 255. He had his high school number retired. His teammates wore his Notre Dame jersey on the flight.
--Is it me or have you guys lost respect for Hines Ward? What a pussy that guy is. I'll take Randle El over him any day. So Hines Ward will become a bigger pussy.
Retards*--refers to any person affiliated with ESPN. They are evil. They are ruining sports.
OK, Ok, so it does mean something. It means something to those retards*. The retards* think that Jerome Bettis going home for a Super Bowl is the biggest story in all of sports. At least over the last two weeks. What the retards* aren't mentioning is the fact that we have a great game on our hands. Who cares though? The game will get ruined. It'll get ruined by all the commercial capitalistic blah that will all of us will get bombarded with. And even if we manage not to get distracted by shiny Ipods, or Cadillac rocking out to another baby boomer song we'll miss something cause we're stuffing our face with Dominoes Pizza topped with Tositodos and Pepsi.
What I'm saying is the Super Bowl sucks. I mean it's in Detroit for crying out loud. Who was the genius who decided to put it there? Probably someone who has something to do with the retards*. Thanks to the retards* the games are always over hyped. Unless Matt Hasselback grows Fabio hair, throws the ball around the earth before completing the pass, and eats four bacon cheeseburgers on a bootleg pass then the game will be overrated. Once again thanks to the retards*.
I don't care about this Superbowl. I really don't. I will watch it. Hopefully I'll have a piece of pepperoni in my hands, but I'm not going to enjoy it. I promise. The retards* ruin the Super Bowl every year. You may say, "Jon why don't you ignore the retards?" I would say, "I can't they're everywhere. The retards* have infected my television. They're in my newspaper. My computer has a virus called retardiatia*. I don't know what to do."
With all that said here are some predictions for Super Bowl Sunday.
--I will eat an entire pizza.
--I will eat an entire bag of chips.
--I will drink 6 beers.
--The retards* will piss me off.
--6 hours of pregame will turn into infinity of pregame. Hell is officially on earth.
--6 hours of pregame will turn into six hours of Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. His house got boarded up. He weighs more than 255. He had his high school number retired. His teammates wore his Notre Dame jersey on the flight.
--Is it me or have you guys lost respect for Hines Ward? What a pussy that guy is. I'll take Randle El over him any day. So Hines Ward will become a bigger pussy.
Retards*--refers to any person affiliated with ESPN. They are evil. They are ruining sports.
posted by laughjon at 1.2.06
1 Comments:
Bettis is from Detroit? Get out of town. I hadn't heard. That is so cool. The Super Bowl is in Detroit too.
Hines Ward is awesome!! He can't stop smiling -- perhaps he'll get a job at ESPN when his playing career is over.
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